Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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