I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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