You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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