At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize