Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I didn't notice because vodka
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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