if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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