just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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