you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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