im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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