u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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