god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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