based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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