Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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