He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I pour the whiskey from now on
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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