surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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