I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's rum buckets o'clock
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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