so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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