hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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