glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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