so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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