Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
MIDGETS
????
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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