im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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