Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
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I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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