we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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