i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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