it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
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she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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