I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize