Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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