Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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