It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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