its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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