Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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