Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
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I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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