You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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