I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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