I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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