Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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