apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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