There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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