So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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