if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize