Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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