I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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