He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize