Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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