Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize