M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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