be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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