So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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