our cab driver is having phone sex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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